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Learning about Love in a relationship

Being in a relationship isn’t just about getting married and having kids. It’s about love and companionship. However when you were growing up thats probably as good an explanation you got for men and women being together. The old birds and the bees story. Of course as we mature, we soon realise that is not the case but we are still none the wiser in the ups and downs that being in a relationship can bring. You will have so many questions, is he the one? Is this just physical or is this love? None of the more popular sources that people seek advice from seem to help either. With the abundance of happily ever after romantic movies and music videos. Over the next few paragraphs I will disect two very common views about finding the right person for a relationship. I have chosen two entirely different tradtions but both show the importance of not following any rigid structure about how to make your relationship work.

Every soul has a soul mate.

The idea of the soul-mate originates in no one single tradition. It was present even in ancient Greece, when Aristotle once said ‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies’. In Christian traditions, this concept of soul-mate was another way to express the bonds of ‘eternal spiritual love’ which were part of the marriage ideal. This concept has also been developed within the modern new age tradition, which marries a belief in re-incarnation and karma with the idea of a twin soul. The principal idea behind the soul mate concept is that two souls reuniting is the highest form of relationship one can aspire to. The search for our perfect partner is in fact the search to return to ourselves more deeply. Cons - In some cases, the idea of the soul mate ideal can be very dis-empowering when people realize that no relationship lasts forever. Pros - The idea that finding our partner helps us to better understand ourselves is a very positive one. The real insight of soul mate relationship is to understand that all that we need is contained within ourselves. Finding a soul mate is really just sometimes like finding a mirror to find out who we really are.

The Arranged Marriage Relationship

The second tradtion I am going to mention is that of an arranged marriage. Lets not confuse this with forced marriage. Arranged marriages occur with the general agreement of all members of the family. This type of relationship involves no getting to know one another before embarking on a life together. Instead partners love for each other is said to grow day by day. Again there are both positives and negatives from this. The concept that partners love will grow can be very healthy and stop any misinterpreted hopes of grand romantic gestures etc that are shown to us in the movies. The negatives of this though are that unfortunately some parents use this as an opportunity for their own gains in family politics and do not have their childs best interests at heart.

What can we learn out of these relationships?

Hopefully, you aren’t now more confused than when you began reading this article. What we can learn from these examples is that we need to challenge our assumptions about what defines love and relationship. Too often, the movies and pop songs present romantic love as the only way in which a healthy and happy relationship can develop. Yet, when we look at different cultures and religions, we can see so many different varieties and experiences of love and relationship exist, which have facilitated millions of successful relationships. If we can open our minds to these different perspectives, then perhaps we could begin to let go of many expectations which can sometimes leave us feeling that we are somehow missing something from life.

Filed under: Personal Development